Being at war together keeps us from being at war with each other.

As I work my way through “you and me forever; marriage in light of eternity,” I keep finding lines that make me just flat out stop. This is not a book to read quickly.

It is, instead, a book to be studied and prayed over—its precepts so deep and important to life and relationships.

So here is the latest line that has stopped me in my tracks:

“Being at war together is what keeps us from being at war with each other.”

Conjure the image of soldiers standing shoulder to shoulder, rifles raised and blazing off rounds at the enemy… Locked in a fight for their lives… needing each other to survive…

Do you think they are focused on disputes they had back at camp, or in the fox hole that morning?

Don’t doubt that they had such disputes.

But neither doubt that they have, at least for the length of this fight, faded into insignificance.

To be engaged together in a fight that is bigger than our day-to-day issues. To be at war together. To be in the same war—on the same side—shooting at a common enemy.

This is what Francis and Lisa Chan mean.

And the battle they want us to join is the battle to win hearts and minds to Christ. They want us to join forces as a couple, husband and wife, to use our “knowledge, gifts, and possessions” to fight for God. They want us to benefit from God’s willingness to unleash the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives when we use our gifts for the benefit of others in need.

Imagine that. God’s power flowing through us to minister to others. I’m thinking that will do more than deepen our bond as a couple. Don’t you think it will take those little bouts of selfishness, pride, and even anger, and cover or even obliterate them in a shared victory?

I’ve often wondered, “what does it really look like when God is in the driver’s seat of a relationship?” And, relatedly, “how do we put him there?”

Do we do it by praying often together? Do we do by going to church together? Do we do it by striving to remain inside his wishes?

Of course, it’s yes to all that.

But it’s also something I never understood. Until now.

We have to be in the fight together.

We have to be doing something, together, that gets us into the fight for hearts and minds for Christ.

For me, presently single, at a minimum, I think I may need to do more volunteer work. And tithe more. Friends have confirmed that I should be writing and using this gift I seem to have to express thoughts, teaching some of the scriptural and practical lessons I’ve learned that might help others to build their relationships. I’d love also to teach a men’s bible study on relationships. Someday, with a wife, I’d LOVE to get in the fight and teach a couple’s study, or write a deeply meaningful book on all this…

Anyhow, these are convictions I’m getting for my life.

How about you? Would being in the fight as a couple help solidify your relationship? If you think so, you might want to ask the next question.

What can you do to get into the fight?